Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
