i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
