at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
