Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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