i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
