Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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