I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
