"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
