I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
