im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
