and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
