Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize