I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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