Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
