Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
