I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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