Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
