He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
