Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize