ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
