Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
