No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
