even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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