I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
