no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
