haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Green mimosas i think yes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
