I didn't shave. On purpose
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So much Jack, so little girl.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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