What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
