I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
