Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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