Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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