I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
