You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
