Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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