I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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