i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
