just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
