The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
