You work out of a Hotel?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
