I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Only a mothe r could love this liver
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
