i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
