I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
no you cant smoke seaweed
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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