I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm passing your future prison.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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