Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
