if you like me you must not know who I am
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
