Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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