I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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