You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
