Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
