She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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