I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
