Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
