Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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