We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
