do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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