I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
