A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
