Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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