She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
