i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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