I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize