it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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