I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
