dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
