we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You smell like stripper and shame
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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