If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
