fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
