i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
